Lung Cancer?

I think I might die of lung cancer... Hehe... God Forbid! Smoke too much, I think I might... ok I shall stop... myself... from spouting nonsense... I just can't keep my mouth shut! Anyways... I don't know what to say. My nails are too long, I can dig out my flesh, or maybe, something better, like snot stuck 5 inches inside my nostrils... heheh ok I'm exaggerating. I really am talking trash. God, I can't help it. And I eat too much, oh, what can I do? I'm only human. And, I think sometimes, I have this kinda angst and hatred in me, so much hatred I think I can be the next serial killer on the block. Hehehe... Oh yes, Jack the Ripper is my idol, God, what's your secret man? But really, I'm supposed to be a peace-loving person. Oklaa, I'm not really a hater but you know, sometimes people just get on my nerves, and I don't feel like talking about it. Well, my brain is my journal, what to do, all my thoughts stored there. But really, some people are just fucked up! Sometimes, I really wish things were like back then, when I was the only Malay girl in class, no close friends, well NO friends, ok I'm exaggerating, again... but really, I was a loner back then. It's cool to be low-profile, no one knows the real you, so no one hates you, and you don't really know anyone, thus, you won't be a hater. But again, who hates me? Heheee... I'm like... Ashikin... which is derived from Ashiq... which is like lover... so since I love... well, people will love me too. God, what the heck is wrong with me, I'm talking garbage. So basically, the point is... I just can't help but hate someone... some people are just so... argh, I don't know what's the word... erm, mundane??? And, some people are just hypocrites, come onlaa, honesty is the best policy. I thought people are supposed to mature along with age? Hmm... some people don't. Hehe, oklaa, I always like to think of myself as the matured one, so what to do? I'm born narcisstic. Can't help it. Seriously, you gotta be honest with yourself right. I'm childish at times, but at other times, you gotta think like an adult right, now that I'm 18, ehem, of the young adult age.... ehem... At 16, you can have sex, at 18, you can buy your own ciggies... how much better can life get? Hee... but still some people don't appreciate it... so whatever you can stay all childish and pessimistic and think that the whole world is againts you(like they-the people of the world, have the time...), I just can't be bothered with these kinda people anymore... and the whole typical Malay mentality... Ok I hate it when I start dissing my race, but really, they have to change their own mentality before they can change others' about them. This whole issue about people deliberately not helping them when they get into trouble... well, seriously, you get yourself out of your own shit, no one is supposed to help, no one owns you shit man. You get yourself into shit, you jolly well get yourself out of it. Ok?! Well, ok fine, I admit I'm one of these typical Malays, that's why I know. We should really change this shit behaviour man. Start to learn to get up on our own feet. Stop depending on others. History is meant for you to learn about the past, and the mistakes made, and work on it, plus don't repeat it. But Malays nowadays are just re-enacting history man. Those Sultans actually thought British was gonna help them? And the Malays? Hahaha... yeah, help the Britons back home, with OUR resources of course. Stupid fags. Malays nowadays no difference. Something goes wrong in their life, and they consult others to help them. Example, those poor families, they jolly well know they are poor, but still decide to have lotsa kids. Hello?! Never heard of family planning ah? If you can't afford condoms... then well, please find other means to make sure you don't have to deal with another child. Then when things gets really tight, then they start trying to seek help... I mean no one can help you but yourselflaa... Another real close example, my very own uncle. Financial status, not poor, able to make ends meet. Still no money to buy contraceptives ah? What the heck. Then no money to pay bills loan from your Mom. I mean, God, she's old, she needs the money to support herself, not spend on you, and help you lead a wealthy lifestyle. And guess what, they are like TYPICAL MALAYS... Blood-line: Malaccans! Just great isn't it.