Great shag

Oooweee...

I'm so shagged but feeling super cos I think I just shed a kilo. I know it's not much, but well hey, it's a start! So finally I've had the will power to push myself and go for a jog. It was hard. Very hard. I don't know how some people can actually enjoy jogging, or running, for that matter. I mean, what's up with their brain? There must be some screws loose somewhere. Running is terrible. It increases your heart rate, which can be good, but makes you feel like you're going to have a concussion and probably die. And your legs start to ache, which is a sign that you're strengthening your muscle, but makes you wonder whether you can walk back home after that. I mean, what's so great about running. I know, I know... no pain no gain. But this pain is too much too handle. I'd rather swallow 66 Paracetamols, jump down from the 10th floor while slashing my wrists. At least that pain is worth it.

And back to the topic about people who enjoy running. They're nuts. I feel like slapping their faces hard. I think these people are suicidal. Seriously. They must hate themselves so much to subject themselves to such tremendous pain and agony. Here are the categories of people who actually enjoy running.

1) Sports Freaks
These people ought to be locked up in Sun Love Abode. Se-ri-ous-ly. These type of people would enjoy any types of sports, be it tennis, hockey, soccer, badminton, squash, cricket, softball, rounders, swimming, table tennis, or even hopscotch. Ok make that zero point. And of course... running! They gain ultimate satisfaction from the suffocation one experiences while running like a mad dog. I mean how much sicker can a human being be? Die you freak, die!!!

2) Kenyans
Ok, these people live in places where transportation is abysmal, so they spend time running to and fro school, shops and whatever places they have in their country. So, in a way, since they've been doing it right after they got out of their Mom's womb... it's just natural for them to be enjoying running. And probably, our idea is walking is the same as their idea of running, which is, again, freaky. Kenyans, you people are ill.

3) Lose-weight fanatics
There are also those who are so concerned over their weight, they would do just about anything in order to shed those extra kilos. (And for some paranoid ones, those NON-EXISTENT extra kilos). And this includes... *surprise surprise* RUNNING, when there are so many other alternatives to losing weight. These people are so caught up in their own weight issues and misery that they don't feel a thing when sacrificing their lives while running. How much dumber can someone be.

So ok, the closest I've come to is the 3rd option. I know that I've sworn to everyone that I'm gonna run 2.4km each and every single day of the month of June, but guess what? I'm not up for it. I'm just not suited for running. In fact, I hate running. I hate running since the day I was born. And I will never fall in love with it. It's crazy to think that I've joined 800m race and 4 x 400 relays during my secondary school days. I still sit with my mouth gaping everytime I reminisce about those times. It's crazy. I ought to shoot myself for even joining Sports Day. Why God, whyyy?!

So... I was thinking of other alternatives to running.

1) Work as a high-class whore in Geylang.
I think I've got all the charms to seduce ahpeks and pakciks at Geylang. I have an inkling that ahpeks will just love me. Especially if I do that oldies Chinese hairdo. And, you actually do burn calories when shagging. I'm just gonna close my eyes and shag and shag and shag and shag. And offer blowjobs so my face will be slimmer, and exercise my vocal cords at the same time. But the downturn is, there is a high possibility that I will be infected with herpes, syphillis or even gonorrhea or however you spell it. And to be infected with this terrible diseases means that I will die a horrible wretched death. And I will surely be banished to hell, 7th gate of hell, in fact! And I want to die pretty! So I guess this option is just not feasible.

2) Be involved in a terrible relationship
Most people lose lots of weight when they break up so maybe I should try this. However, I don't think I am up for these kind of emotional bashings cos I'm just a weak and fragile human being. Thus... this option has to be cancelled out to.

Which leaves me to the next best alternative....

POWER RIDER!!!

Oh yes babehhh, I'm gonna religiously ride this old piece of metal with a little bit of cushion every single day for at least an hour. And the fact that I'm riding while exercising makes me think that it's as good as getting a shag from ahpeks and pakciks, since they will be too old and tired to move, I would probably have to sit on them. So yea... POWER RIDER, here I COME!

So, oh yea, after jogging, I had a soccer session with Nad. I think I half-sprained my ankle but it's all good. I'm not such a wuss when it comes to injury so, I'm feeling great!

So since I shed a kilo today, I was calculating the amount of weight I would lose by 12 June if I keep doing this same routine each and every single day. And guess what... I think I'm gonna be so slim by then!

So I'm delighted! Yea!!!