Bored

I am so bored. I am so so bored. I am very bored. Spent most of today doing the Belo Photoblog, which in my opinion turned out cool. I'm such a genius. Anyways... I am so fucking bored. Hmm... ok I just reminisced about something and ok, well, just fuck it. So my mom went for a picnic with my bro's friend's mom. And the kids went along too. My mom asked me this morning, whether I wanted to join 'em. But I said no, cos I was sleeping like a baby at that time. And I'm not regretting that decision cos, well, I just don't feel like going to a picnic with a bunch of people I don't know. I'm not fucking sociable and I don't want to be. But now... I'm so bored. What should I do? I feel like going to Limbang and get me some substance that is of some help to me. Since, that fucking underground shop is closed. Well, that's what I think, at least. Cos I've not visited that place for ages. And I mean, ages. Man, last year was great. All the soccer we played. All the times we hung out together. Now most of the Kuntets are busy with hockey and stuff. And I should be busy with my studies too. But, ok, I don't even wanna talk about it. I'm so bored I want to cry. And I don't usually cry. I just get depressed but I don't fucking cry. Seems like life has reached rock bottom. For every single year, I will reminisce about the past year and how it had been better. It sets me thinking, so what... next year is gonna be worse than this year? And this year is already so bad. I mean, really bad. I hate it. Every single moment of it. And I don't usually say this, but I hate myself. I hate myself for making me feel sorry for myself. I hate the things I do. I hate the things I feel. I hate the things I think. I just want a concussion badly. Or maybe a brain haemorrhage so I will lose my memory, subsequently stop feeling sorry for myself. I just want to start anew. I feel like erasing all the data in my brain and reformatting everything once again. Cos my brain sucks. It sucks cow's ass. And it pisses me off. Cos I want to have a control over my life. And my train of thought. I just don't like people messing with my brain. And it's not even their fucking fault.

-Continued-
I just took a walk. Around the neighbourhood. Tonight was dark. I couldn't even make out the faces of those strangers walking past me. I didn't get to buy what I wanted, cos most shops were closed. Well, it's for the better. At least I can save some money. Which is great. My mom and bro is still not back yet. And I'm all alone, still. Today is a terrible day. I started out walking around the neighbourhood feeling like I wanted to cry, then I felt indifferent and now, I don't even know what I'm feeling. One guy seemed scared when he walked past me. He might have thought that I was a ghost. With the slow walking pace, expressionless face, and I must have looked pale just now. Cos I didn't really eat today. My first meal was at 5+pm. I had my first little sip of water a few minutes before that. Dunno what was I thinking about to have done that. Seems like I'm really starting to lose it. What a disorganized life. Maybe I should get myself busy. But most people are busy anyways... can't really find someone to get busy with. So... I dunno. Well... I... just dunno.