March, hmm...

It was not 31st March. I got it wrong. It's 30th March, which is like... today? And I... I.... I don't know what to say. I think I'm gonna start that crap again. Real soon. But, arh, fuck it.

I feel like... God, I'm so bad with words. I feel like I'm transported to another realm that I'm just so familiar with. And I can't even blame it on dejavu, cos it's not. And... I feel like I've done so many wrongs, but on the other hand, I still try hard to make myself believe that I've done none. Constantly asking myself what have I done wrong when I knew where I screwed up. And how I would love to push the blame on anyone else but me. Now I don't feel like doing nothing else. I'm on some fucking you up shit. Ok, fucking me up shit. And I will fuck me up. Cos I feel like mourning. I feel the need to mourn. And I know that deep down inside, I do want to mourn. For years. And not get over it. I....

Sendiri dalam sepi malam ke pagi, mencari jawapan, berputar-putar, soalan bertemu soalan..., penawar yang ku beri, kiranya racun, sebagai balasan, hilangkah budi oleh kejahilan?, ku persembah intan dan permata, tapi bagimu kaca tak berharga, demikian berbezanya penilaian kita, kelopak berseri di tanganmu, berderaian layu, lalu ku kutip semula sisa cinta dan beralih arah, pada yang Esa, walau diri hina, tak berharga, tetap diterima, kelopak kelayuan dipulihkan, akhirnya kembali, keyakinan pada diri. Ku persembah intan dan permata, tapi bagimu kaca tak berharga, demikian berbezanya penilaian kita, kelopak berseri di tanganmu, berderaian layu, lalu ku kutip semula sisa cinta dan beralih arah, pada yang Esa, walau diri hina, tak berharga, tetap diterima, kelopak kelayuan dipulihkan, akhirnya kembali, keyakinan pada diri.
Such a great song that could be made into a literature extract. It's just... I don't know.

I want to kill myself. I really do. And everyone knows that I love myself too much to kill myself. But right now, I really do feel like swallowing 66 paracetamols, slashing my wrist, and jumping down from the roof. At least if one method fails, there's the other to back it up. I mean... I don't even know why I would wanna kill my dear self, but... I... I don't know. I really don't. I just feel like breaking down, and cry.

Berirama senandung semalam, ku teringat peristiwa silam, di mana aku dan si dia, cinta benar cinta, kau mencurah apa yang dirasa, ku dibuai oleh angin senja, budimu yang seikhlas itu, akulah kasihmu. Kini hanya tinggal kenangan belaka, ditaburan bunga pusaramu, ku berdoa agar dikau, aman bertemunya. Oh kenangan, tinggallah kenangan, dikau pergi telah ditakdirkan, diriku termenung menjauh, bersama senandung semalam.

Hahahahahaha... I think I'm losing it. Really losing it. Funny how it is. Hmm...

Mengertikan dirimu di dalam hatiku, betapa ku sesali, adanya dirimu, haruskah bertahan demi cinta ini, yang tak mungkin, hanya kau saja ada, keteguhan hati, untuk membuka kembali, jalan cinta ini, biarkan ku menanti semua janji kita, sampai batas waktu mengakhiri, dan tak mungkin untuk kita bersama, di atas perbedaan yang selamanya mengingkari, dan tak mungkin, bila ku melepasmu, sungguh hati tak mampu, mengertilah cintaku, dan tak mungkin, semestinya tak ada, yang memisahkan cinta ini, kaulah, hanya dirimu satu cintaku...

I'm starting to sing dumb love songs. A sign that I'm losing it. Terlampau. (To-tal-ly the Malay way!) Haha. It's not funny Shiq.

Ah!!! I already know who to blame. I'm so gonna fuck you up. Watch your back, cos I'm gonna hunt you down. And I'm gonna make sure it' s a slow death. And I mean it.