Idola - piece of crap!

Yeay! I love dissing. I love to critic. I love me. I'm the best. So today, I'm just gonna sit down and diss everyone and everything else but me. Cos I'm the bestest(!!!) person on this planet called Earth, and maybe the whole universe. So, first things first, I can't stop myself but comment on Idola.

Idola
====
This movie is one of the most painful movie to watch, not because it's so good it's almost heartwrenching but because it was so terribly done that you can't help but feel like jumping down from the 11th storey, or maybe it would have been better to squeeze inside the garbage dump near the lift and have a nice journey down to the huge rubbish chute; instantly killing yourself on the spot. Yes, it was THAT bad. In fact, it can even compete in an arm's race with Mr Cinderella which till now, still holds the title for the movie which defies human intelligence and pure logic. And to think that Idola is actually a product by Aziz M. Osman! It's saddening. The plot was dull, nonsensical, mundane and just so ghastly. Anyways, I don't even think this nincompoop movie has a message. Maybe Aziz M. Osman was sitting down doing nothing after his most recent project before Idola, lazing at his home, farting away, digging his nose for snot, thinking "I'm so bored, maybe I should just do a crappy movie for the dumb Malay audience to fill my time" and ta-daa!!! Idola was presented to all the dumb Malays. I mean... seriously... who actually go to the cinemas to catch this film? Those who did probably would have already killed themselves right after the movie. Or purposely stand in the middle of the road waiting for someone to run them down. Or stuff themselves with 354 large fries at McDonalds. Or drown themselves in popcorn. Or getting their head stuck in between the cinema seats and then ripping it off for being so annoyingly dumb to even watch the movie. Anyways, Idola is (to sum up) the most sickening movie I've ever watched. It was so phoney that I think the scenario of me laughing to lame jokes by lame guys are nowhere as near to being fake as the facial expressions of the actresses and actors in this movie. Actually come to think about it, I think I look quite natural grinning and chuckling to lame jokes, when it was obvious that I didn't find the person's statement/joke/remark funny.
Aziz M. Osman should sack his casting director. Who the fuck, in their right state of mind, would employ Danny X-Factor? That guy don't have this thing called TALENT. All he has is his GAY FACE, with his GAY GRIN and his so -called GAY CHARM. I think, even gays wouldn't pay ten cents to watch him. He can't sing, he can't act; he can only sell his asshole to old English gay granddads. Not forgetting to mention that his role was so insignificant, Aziz could save some cost by not even inserting his character in the first place. I mean, seriously, Danny doesn't even deserve 5 cents. And to think some girls pay 7 bucks or even more just to watch his irritating face with those stiff dreadlock wig and cheap 3-dollar bandanna! So, all Danny's character(Jimi) did was to go for the audition for the lead guitarist in Jeslina's(Elise) band, act handsome, touch girls here, touch girls there, say "Magic" for like 3, 4 times, smile here, smile there, and that's about it. I don't know how much Aziz paid him, but seriously, you don't need talent to do those things he did in the movie. To say that my grandmother can do that role better than him will be the hugest insult to my beloved grandmother, thus I would pass the honour to Mr Lee Jake Hooi. He can do something better than that! He can even pout his "sexy" lips! Now, that's 50 cents more to his pay for the movie! And, what's with the orgasmic face Danny puts on when he plays the guitar. To be honest, I've never seen Slash(from Guns'n'Roses) did that before, I've never seen any of the Linkin Fuck boys did that, I've never seen any of the Blink-I'm-Homo-182 did any of those expressions before, in fact, NONE of the world's best guitarist put on that Oh-Mom-I'm-Gonna-Cum-Any-Minute-Now face before. Maybe Danny should have watched more of Carlos Santana's videos before taking up the role, cos really, he looked so fake, I got so disgusted I barfed all the food I consumed from one week ago. Not forgetting I shat in my shorts, I peed in them and puke was coming out not only from my mouth, but my nostrils, ears, eyes, belly button, and my virginal hole + asshole(and any other holes in my body, if I missed out any). For once, I really wished I was Sadako. I wished I had taken my vacuum cleaner's metal stick, crawl through the tv and smash Danny's head (neatly donned by the dreadlock wig) with my vacuum cleaner's stick. Insufficient as it is, I'm gonna take all the guitars at the shop (yes, it was a scene at a guitar shop) and shove it all up his I presume already gaping asshole. Then I'm gonna step all over his face, which still has the orgasmic expression on and then shit in his mouth. And then I'm so gonna free-kick home his by-then retarded, abused, violated being. And, he was so not charming in that movie. I don't care how much he thinks so highly of himself as a cute guy with charm, he still is a loser in my eyes, and probably millions out there. So Danny, just quit it. And please, don't quit your day job for acting cos honestly speaking YOU SUCK COW'S ASS AT IT, LOSER!
So, moving on to my next point, this movie promotes lesbianism (if there is such a word). Not that it's wrong cos I'm all for individual rights but... even lesbians would be ashamed of it. I mean... how can a fan... (Nana) be so obssessed with her favourite singer, Elise, that she would even wanna sleep in the same bed and even hug her as if Elise is her wife/husband/I dunno from behind? That is such a perverse scene! I don't do that to my brother, ok I do it to my mom sometimes, but she is my MOM! She gave birth to me. Now Elise is just someone Nana has just met... and she could bring herself to actually do all that. I mean, seriously, I don't think many sane girls out there would have done that. I mean seriously Aziz, if you wanna show that they are super tight buddies, then you can portray it in other better ways. To make 2 girls sleep in the same bed, with one hugging the other from behind is so shallow and something that can be thought of by a 3-year-old kid. Please, come up with something more impressive please. That scene seems as if it was ripped off some t.A.t.U videoclip! For God's sake! That whole scene was totally unnecessary, not forgetting, the main word to sum up the whole show, FAKE.
Another think I wanna point out is how some scenes so doesn't make sense. I mean seriously, Aziz should have ended the movie by showing that all the things happening actually took place at Hospital Bahagia, and all the characters are actually the occupants of the mental hospital. That would have made sense and saved him (Aziz) from all the humiliation for stooping so low to produce such a lame movie. So, tell me Aziz, how the fuck did Nana get into Elise's van? How the flying fuck did Mukritz get into Farah's(Nana's sister) car? Are they all professional lock-pickers? Are all the people in this world professional lock-pickers, that getting into someone's car is not such a big deal nor surprise anymore cos anyone can get into everyone's cars! Stupid fucker. You don't have to belittle Malay's dumb nature to this extent! And how can someone (Farah) opened the door, then slam it cos she saw a guy (anyways Farah wears the tudung and at that moment she was at home so she wasn't covering her hair) took the newspaper(the whole fucking chunk) put it on her head with the lame attempt to cover her hair, opened the door, scream to her sister to come in while pulling her in and shouted in the face of a total stranger (Mukritz) who took the trouble to send her sister home, telling him not to disturb her sister anymore (God, she doens't even know Mukritz! she just met him for the first time) and then kicked his leg when he wanted to explain the situation while she still goes on rambling nonsensically and then slam the door in his face. And Mukritz that idiot went limping away and when Nana turned on the radio so loudly (probably all the people in her neighbourhood must have died of heart attack then) he came back to her house, ring the bell, Farah opened the door, he came in, cut of the electricity for the electricity box and went off limping still, to his car. Who the fuck would have done that? Who would have bothered? Especially when a complete stranger, who had the education of a lawyer, didn't have the decency nor manners to thank you for sending her sister home, argued with you when she didn't know what was going on, and then kicked you in the leg. This movie is COMPLETE NONSENSE.
And, after watching the show, I was wondering, what the fuck was the point that Aziz was trying to put across? What the fuck was the message? That not all entertainers are school drop-outs? That there are some people involved in the entertainment industry who are educated (e.g Mukritz who had the Masters Degree for Business Administration)? I mean, even if there is, the number is so small, it's not worth mentioning. And these people aren't even singers! They are just the public relations officer or something like that. Or was he trying to point out the fact that siblings can't never do without each other, that no matter how they might be arguing or have a tiff, they will eventually reunite in the end and throw away all the ill feelings? If that was the case, why was the title of the movie Idola? Nana's idol was never Farah, though Elise did look up to her brother Mukritz. I mean seriously, what was the message of this movie? It's as good as producing a spoof or a parody cos those genres of movie DON'T need a message! To conclude, I just wanna say that seriously Aziz, the Malay audience aren't the silly ones, you are. YOU ARE THE STUPID FUCK AT THE END OF THE DAY BITCH HOLE, AZIZ!
Oh yes, what was I thinking of at the end of the movie? A big fat WHAT THE BLOODY HECK?!
Oh yeah, rating: 0.5/5 <--- for the film rolls wasted, Rest in Peace MR Film rolls. (Actually I wanted to give 1, but after writing this critical review, I thought I have to be true to myself, like I always do and 0.5 is the most deserving mark, EVER!)

The next thing/person I'm gonna bitch about is, Mrs Lau, the Econs tai-tai.
This fucking tai-tai has a fucking irritating face. What's with the chin and the excess fats below it? No Mimi, don't feel bad, you are not related to this, cos you are a Kuntet and Kuntets don't discriminate other Kuntets, we stick up for each other. But Lau tai-tai is an exception. Her chin and those excess fats are irritating. It's so annoying I wanna dig my eyeballs out so I won't have to put up with this torment of having to see it whenever I look up to look at the board and copy stuff or when I pretend to pay attention. I hope she would go for liposuction and suck those excess fats out. It's dreadful! And when she was explaining the diagram she drew on the board, she commented, "My diagram is out of proportion". Well well, that is an interesting statement cos guess what Lau tai-tai?! You might not realize this but UR CHIN IS OUT OF PROPORTION TOO, PUSSY SLIME! Wow, isn't that some hot news for you? And, an irritating thing happened in class, catalysed by the dimwit Lau tai-tai. She was talking about Rolex watches and how these watches are sort of an investment. The older it is, the more value it accumulates. Then she was talking about those cheap Rolex watches sold in JB. Then Xue'En said those watches are fakes. So she replied, "It's real one; (and here comes the punchline!!!) but stolen one!" And it sent the whole fucking class bursting into laughters. Especially this super irritating person sitting (ehem) behind me. His laughter is so fucking annoying. I mean I don't have anything against him personally, but now I realize that he is annoying the fucking life out of me. The whole class was laughing like it was the JOKE OF THE CENTURY, well with me as an exception cos I'm the only sane person in the that class. I mean, seriously, how many people would have found it funny other than my dumb classmates? No one! And it's not about her tone or anything ok! Her tone wasn't even near funny. It was toneless(if there is such a word). Stupid fucks man. Then she being the Lau tai-tai that she is, she said "He was proved long...*did some thingy with her head, some vigorous shakings as if she had fits* wrong". Another example of her tai-tainess... instead of saying point 5, she actually said "point v" for like 3 times or more. And it took her a few times of saying it before realizing her mistake. She is so stupid she ought to get someone to stuff her ass with that thing you use when your sink gets clogged up. What a dumb bitch. Well, that's Lau tai-tai to you!

Now, I wanna talk about the person sitting behind me in class, N. Wahlau... super fucking moronic. He's already so fat (not that I'm not but he's like 90 kilos ok) and hairy as fuck. And one thing about him is, he is so fucking enthusiastic, just like those old people in my driving lessons theory class. I mean I do get it when old people gets enthusiastic, cos it's just them, in fact, it's in them! I mean it must have something to do with the era they are born in. Apart from the 1950s, 1960s and a little of the 1970s, who else give a fuck about this world? No one! I mean come on, right now, its the Generation of Why-Me? No one wants to shout out the answer even if they know it, cos to look clever is so uncool. To appear intelligent is to be seen as dumb by the rest of the class. Apparently this guy don't get it. Either that or this guy was some kind of a technical error by his mom, I mean he must have been born in 1950's but somehow he got borned in 1980's, tarnishing the reputation of all the 80's babies, like me! And the fact that he contributes doens't piss me off as much as how those contributions are so useless cos most of them are technically WRONG. I mean he has a problems with calculations. Simple calculations. Imagine this(this is only an example, ok the figures are examples, but the scenario is truer than REAL):-
Lau tai-tai: 5 times 5.... *still counting with her pea-sized brain*
N: (proudly and confidently) 81!!!!!
THE FUCK?! The fuck fuck fuck... fuck!
That was how irritating and annoying he was.
And after he tried digest what he has learnt, he tried reiterating the stuff he just learnt by saying: (This is not a question despite the question mark, it's a statement. The question mark is just to show that his tone sounded as if it was a question but he was actually just reiterating the point) It's not possible to produce at point Y because its not effective?
Which was replied, rather nonchalantly by Lau tai-tai with a: No.
Hahaha, STUPID FUCK! Now you just showed the class how much of a smartypant you are, you gorilla!
(I mean, why don't some people just STFU= SHUT THE FUCK UP?!!!)

Next thing is: Prep class!
I hate prep class! It's only 1 hour so what's the point of having it. Thus being the Libran that I am, I'm going to list the pros and cons and look at both sides of the argument.
Pros: It brings benefits cos at least it ensures that 1 hour is set aside for revision every single week.
Cons: 1 hour is too short, you can't do much. And one cannot be so sure that he/she is really gonna sit down and revise for that hour. He/she can do something else. ie: sleeping.(if Ivan the I'm-such-a-hotshot is not there)
So, my final opinion of the prep class: WHATEVER FOR?!

Another thing is about Bri**. Piss me off sak. Siallah, if everytime you wanna sleep in class then there's no point of being ADVANCED by the teachers. I must say, Mrs Lim, you just made the hugest mistake ever.

I'm gonna talk about William Hung next. Ok, I said that he was horrendous at the Kuntet's blog. After much thinking (ok, now everyone knows what I always think about, no, not geeky nor nerdy guys but useless things which has no significance to my life), and after watching his videos for countless number of times (and making other people such as my family members watch it too!) and listening to his remix of She Bangs and the original version (with the music inserted) repeatedly, I came out with the final conclusion, that he didn't sound that bad at all! He actually sang on-key and his tune can be followed, unlike some others whom you can't even recognize the song they're "singing". I mean if you closed your eyes, and listened to Will Hung (sounds like well-hung eh? -which I think he is not! heehee) you might think that he's like some other normal guy singing at karaoke pubs and doens't sound half as bad as ok I shall not reveal names. I mean, it must have been the buck-tooth and the wacky dance grooves that made his performance look terrible but seriously, if he hadn't showed off his dance "skills" or like wear a cloth to cover half his face, from half his nose ridge and downwards to his mouth and neck, ok maybe he should have worn a mask or a Klu Klux Klan thingy (that would have been the best solution), he wouldn't have portrayed himself as a dork. He would look okay. But well I think "okay" wasn't exactly what the producers had in mind. Anyways I love the remix of She Bangs sung by the Hong Kong Latin God himself, aka William Hung and his movie posters. It was awesome! And he has a commendable personality and attitude man. He was polite, true to himself, a good sport, not forgetting courteous. And he was so down-to-earth, he didn't personally attack the judges by claiming that he actually had talent and that they were making the biggest mistake ever, nor did he assaulted them with water. So, he was a good guy with a great personality afterall. He definitely makes up the bad fashion with terrific personality and character. He is the truest Idol, not only in America, but in the whole world! I hope American Idol brings him back some time cos HE ROX!
And, being William Hung's self-voluntary public relations officer who promotes him and his new projects, I humbly propose that everyone should check out his super fansite---> here

To sum up today's long entry, I just wanna tell the whole world that I'm such a nice person. I am without doubt, the best person on planet Earth. I mean, who lends other their stationeries and help others like I do? NO ONE! I'm the only nice person who lend her stationeries to others like Joshua, for practically every single time he needs the liquid paper, and it's not like once a week you know, and help others, and share gossips and latest news... Well well well, I'm just the bestest in this world!